Borrowed Sunshine

Sure, everything's fine and dandy now. But just you wait, when the sun will no longer shine as brightly then you will realize it was just not meant to be.

It's done. Said goodbye and nearly drowned in tears.

Told you it wasn't easy. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I had to. The universe had its reasons for this. And though it was neither clear nor written in stone, it still had to happen.

Now, comes the hard part…moving on.

You start by waking up to a new day and feeling not as shitty as when you cried yourself to sleep the previous night. And even if the day wasn't going as planned, waking up late, waiting for a freakin' cab for nearly 30 minutes only to end up taking an Airport Taxi which charges double the regular fare, shirt crumpled, sweating all over, wrong socks --- gray socks on black pants (TRAGIC!), I psyched myself to make it a better day. I got to the office and stared blankly on my Starbucks tumbler which had a Nestle 3-in-1 for about 15 minutes. I didn't eat breakfast, didn't feel the need to. I listened to the radio seemingly torturing myself. And just like a big jolt of lighting, it struck me to wake up from my dazed state.

Uncertain on how to exactly do this but I guess, I will be fine. It's not as if this is the first time. Still, it hurts just as much as the first.

I am an actor in play for fools, pretending to the world that life is as it should be --- well. Not everyone is as strong but I could pretend. I'm good at that. After all, what good would continues mourning in public do? That's best done in private and preferably with beer and a lit cigarette.

So I smile and laugh throughout the day pretending that the day went fine and dandy.

But yes, the sun didn't shine as brightly today as the day we met. On that 'Pho Hoa Moment' when neither of us knew that we'd say "Goodbye" as quickly as we said "Hello." Once I borrowed, I now had to return.

And then we both realized, it really was just not meant to be.


Photo: Fence by Noel Abelardo